Day 7

   So today is day 7 of not smoking, and it is 2 days before to go back to work in the park.  These last 6 days have been interesting.   The first 3 days there were tears, twitchy sleep and crazy dreams.  The last 3 days have been forgetting about it for minutes at a time.  It is not the very first thought on my mind each day and it is not the very last thing I think about before sleep.  I am feeling good.  I feel proud of myself.
   Yesterday I was angry at a situation I was in and thought at one point, if I only had a cigarette.  My rational side took over and I knew that if I smoked I would still be pissed off at the situation and on top of that I would be angry that I smoked.  That is my rational side.
   I am not always rational.  I have thoughts like, if I get through the winter season in Yellowstone (3 months long) I should have a cigarette and then see if I am really addicted to it and if I am not I can be one of the smokers who only smoke a couple of cigarettes a month.  I also have thoughts like,  I should have just one drag and if it really tastes that bad then I am not a smoker any more.  That is my irrational side.
   I am glad that my rational side has been louder this first week.  I will continue to listen to it.  And when my irrational side starts getting louder that my rational side I have a great backup system in place.  It is my family.  It is my friends.  I am happy to be at day 7 and looking forward to day 8.

No More Whining...Maybe

      The last 2 times I have written I have been in a very bad mood, mainly from the fact that I hadn't had a cigarette.  Well I am in the beginning of my 5th day and I am feeling better.  But even that makes me nervous because I don't want to let my guard down.
      But soon I will be back in Yellowstone and I will have better things to write about then wanting  a cigarette...at least I hope I will.

Quitting Sucks

So for my one or two readers that might check this more than once every six months, I am really going to try to avoid the "This is me quitting smoking".  It is all I think about right now and also I am not in Yellowstone for another week so it is what I am all about right now.
I hate being a smoker so much, even though all I can think about right now is how I would love to smoke just one more cigarette.  I regret my last cigarette 2 nights ago because I did not "enjoy" it enough.  I should have taken my time and really thought about what I was trying to give up and really enjoyed it and then smoked it down to the very last drag and then tried to smoke it some more and then I would have been done smoking if I only would have done that.
That is what goes through my mind.  I am wondering if I can really do this.  Today has been hard, full of sunflower seeds and chocolate and skittles and diet coke...but no cigarettes yet.  Not today.  Hopefully not tomorrow either, or the day after, or the day after that.